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Updated 9.5.18

The Nerc Helpline

Today we introduce the newest feature of the NERC newsletter, "Ask Aimee." This column enables ordinary NERC runners to get advice from our resident expert, Aimee "I never me a run I really liked" Gilman. Let's see what our first runners' questions are:

Dear Aimee:
I have been running with my husband for many years, but lately he's been whining and complaining during bad weather runs. 
What should I do? Signed, Desperate Housewife

Dear Desperate:
Boy have you come to the wrong place. You should consider yourself blessed that your hubby's idea of running involves something more that a dash to the bathroom during halftime.

Dear Aimee:
No matter how careful I am about taking care of my "personal needs" before I run, I still have to "stop" outside to "use the facilities." 
What should I do? Singed, Under Pressure

Dear Under:
Don't worry so much. The NERC has a little known "outdoor" fund to be used for the express purpose of bailing out of jail any of its runners caught in public with their pants down, if you get my drift. You should be aware, however, that anyone caught overusing quotation marks will be left to rot.

Dear Aimee:
I've run a number of marathons, but I feel unfulfilled and want to run an ultra, perhaps a 50 miler. Do you have any suggestions? Signed, Obsessive-compulsive in Cleveland Heights

Dear Cleve:
You feel unfulfilled? Get a dog. Do you have any suggestions? For starters, you should have your head examined. But it you are determined to do this, there's a lovely little ultra called the "Buckeye 50k." Just don't do it unless it has rained the night before or it's no fun.

Dear Aimee:
I've just bought a pair of running shoes for $90. Do you think they will be ok? Signed, Pronating in Parma

Dear Pronator:
Those shoes will be fine if the only running you plan to do is chasing your secretary around her desk. For actual running, you must spend at least $200, and add $50 for each foot that overpronates. Also, don't forget those all-important socks. Expect to spend around $20. For the left one. The right one will cost around $30.

Dear Aimee:
Is it essential, as the commercials imply. That I drink a lemon-lime flavored sports drink with a name that sounds like a charitable benefit for reptiles, in order to run far? Signed, Electrolyte Seeker

Dear Lyte:
Yes, it is essential. If you don't drink it, you will die.

Well, that's all we have time for today. Send all your running, fashion, low-carb, or legal questions to: Ask Aimee, c/o Bob and Candace Barr, the NERC Newsletter, Saks Fifth Ave (and occasionally Nordstrom), Beachwood, Ohio. Don't send money. I will bill you.
A History of RunningAnatomy of a CrosstrainerBuckeye Trails 50KGot Guilt
Misery loves CompanyMy Dirty Little SecretNerc ComplaintRunning for Dummies
Size MattersThe 12 step runnerThe NERC HelplineThe Rules of the Road
UnmentionablesYiddish in the Running

This article was originally written By Aimee Gilman for the newsletter of the NERC, Northeast Running Club. It may not be reproduced without the express, written consent of Aimee Gilman.
Copyright 2010.

Please contact us for permission.